Harry Potter Bloopers
by Spectra16
Summary: Follow up to my Klondike Bar story. Characters of HP do stupid things and pay for them! Harry accio's idiocy! Sirius gets five minutes of fameinfamy on muggle television! Next chappie, Lupin dances to Thriller!
1. Accio Stupid Ideas!

**The Shortest Short Stories Ever: Harry Potter Bloopers**

By Spectra16

A/N: This is another edition of Shortest Short Stories Ever! I hope you enjoy it. My requirement for this series is that each chapter cannot be more than a page long, and that it must be a mini story in itself. And if you look at my previous works, than yes, this is quite a challenge for me.

Self-promotion: Please read my Harry Potter/Artemis Fowl/Lemony Snicket crossover called A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident. It's been finished for three weeks now, but I postpone chapter updates to ensure that I get as many reviews out of it as possible. Forgive me. But read it! I truly believe in it!

-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: Accio Stupid Ideas!

Harry looked up into the gray sky, into the gray eyes of a dragon. It's spines seemed to poke farther out of it's skin at the sight of Harry intruding on it's new abode. Harry hoped that this plan would work, but then again, when did dumb luck and friendship ever fail? Never. Especially when it comes to the protagonist of a Best Seller that will surely be mentioned when the names J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis are brought up. (Eoin Colfer grumbles about this.)

The dragon screeched loudly at Harry before rearing to pounce on him and crush him flat. Harry stuck out his arm and shouted, "Accio broomstick!" Only moments after he had spoken those words, did he realize what kind of trouble he was in. The horn-tailed dragon hesitated to watch. Harry Potter was being pelted by hoards of broomsticks coming from all directions in a 30 mile radius. The dragon sat and watched this skeptical, and every Slytherin laughed boisterously.

"I meant Firebolt! Stop! Get the hell away from me!"


	2. Hogmead's Most Wanted

**The Shortest Short Stories Ever: Harry Potter Bloopers**

By Spectra16

A/N: HELLO! I feel like my fan fiction life is an alternative lifestyle. You know, like the people who work in cubicles and wear a nice shirt and tie to work, and talk about senseless things around the water cooler, and those that complain about their bosses nonstop, and those who listen to Enya (nothing against Enya!). And then after 8 o' clock, the bold ones go to the local bar and take off their shirt while dancing on the table to some old Cream song. Or those who go to ICP concerts or something to that nature. But here I am, and in my writing life, I got onto the staff of my school newspaper (which was no easy feat!) and I won a poetry contest! And here I am, on fan fiction, writing silly little stories about Harry Potter. Anyways. . .

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Two: Hogmead's Most Wanted

Sirius, being extremely bored in Gimmauld Place, bought an addicting muggle contraption, which usually goes by the name of "TV", which stands for Television. Sirius made himself a foot-high sandwich (which mostly consisted of turkey, sweet mustard, a tomato, a few potato chips, one deck of cards, a pickle, ice cream with those little moose tracks in 'em, fried squirrel thigh, a Coheed and Cambria cd, ice, topped with dizzled rum, and potato bread). Back in school, James and him always made strange sandwiches and drinks that were outrageous. Most of them are now served in the Netherworld Flamingo, a restaurant kitty-corner to the end of the Universe.

In any case, Sirius sat down with his sandwich and lime green drink and took a strange looking wand in hand and pressed down on the button. Hermione had taught him that this button turns the "TV" on, and when you press it again, it turned the "TV" off. Various other buttons did other things, but Sirius found this button to be the most valuable, considering you couldn't use the other buttons without the on/off button. Sirius sat back in his comfy couch and watched what was on the current channel, FOX. Sirius thought it was kind of strange to name a "TV" channel after a fuzzy little creature with pointed ears and a bushy tail, but whatever helped corporate giants sleep at night. Sirius took a big bite out of his sandwich, and his tomato promptly fell onto his lap. Ignoring this, he watched as a familiar face presented himself on the screen.

"We need you to help us catch this bad guy tonight, folks!" A man with gray hair and a leather jacket pointed at the center of the screen. Sirius shifted his eyes, and looked around, hoping that this man was not talking to him directly.

"That's right! A man named Sirius Black," He continued to talk as a picture of Sirius was shown on the screen. "Has been loose for several months, even after he killed 13 people only using his eyes! Watch this clip."

Sirius watched as a fuzzy, black and white film showed Sirius standing at the end of a alley way, and suddenly, 13 people around him dropped to the ground and Sirius ran away. Sirius kept chewing his ridiculously large bite. _How ironic it is that some poor guy named Sirius Black is on this show. . ._


	3. Thriller

**The Shortest Short Stories Ever: Harry Potter Bloopers**

By Spectra16

A/N: Yes, Michael Jackson is a perv, but seriously, Thriller is SO FRIGGIN' AWESOME! The dance is cool too! Anyone hear seen Dance Dance Evolution? Or, also known as the Evolution of Dance? Thriller is in that for a few seconds. It's awesome. I apologize to everyone who will hate me for using Thriller and Lupin in the same sentence. I think it's rather cute. But this is also coming from the same person who thinks Lupin/Sirius is cute. But I'm not against Tonks/Lupin! Don't get mad, get glad!

-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Three: Thriller

Remus Lupin was never one for dance.

That wasn't until he had gotten a hold of a muggle television and saw a rather interesting music video with a strange, dancing man in a red jacket. Remus, as innocent and naïve as he was, fell in love with the song, and went out to buy a record.

Lupin smiled as he carefully placed the black record on a record player in his DADA classroom (In the movie, there is one! I have a picture of it!). He placed the needle on the moving plate, and the song that defined his life began to play. He shook his sleeves loose from his arms and got ready. The beat started, and he twitched his neck.

"It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark," The voice began to sing. Lupin seemed to have all of the dance moves memorized. He executed them with perfection. The feeling of security will do strange things to you.

"Cause this is Thriller! Thriller night! You're fighting for you life inside a killer Thriller!"

The horrid sound of someone clearing their throat came from the doorway to Lupin's classroom. Remus winced and stopped in mid-motion. He slowly turned around to see Snape smirked, with his arms crossed. Lupin gulped animatedly.


	4. In Which I Kick Harry

**The Shortest Short Stories Ever: Harry Potter Bloopers**

By Spectra16 (IS GOING TO HARRY AND THE POTTERS/DRACO AND THE MALFOYS CONCERT! OMG! SQUEE! WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY LIFE AFTER THAT!)

A/N: As you may have already gathered, I'm going to a Harry and the Potters concert in my capital city! I'm so stoked! I ordered a Slytherin jacket on ebay and I bought a Dark Mark wristband at Hot Topic (Hot Topic is not punk rawk!). Honestly, Draco and the Malfoys are better music-wise. Their lyrics are a little better too. They have 100 more guitar and drum solos. I'm going to take video of it on my camera. If you want to see it, tell me. I'll email it to you after July 10th.

Disclaimer: The reason for my story is that I got an idea for this chapter from a Draco and the Malfoys song. You'll know what song it is from the title. And I don't own Harry Potter. Ner. I also do not own a reference to the fan fiction "Artemis Fowl and the School of Psychos", which is an AF/HP crossover that kicks your crossover's ass.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Four: In Which I Kick Harry Potter In the Face

The Hogwarts Express came to a slow, dragging stop. Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy walked with their bags from their compartment 3E. Draco waited with a petrified Harry, under his invisibility cloak. According to the original published copy of Half-blood Prince, Draco was to laugh, mock Potter, and then swiftly kick him in the face. This was what was written. But unfortunately, Hermione was not there to let everyone know that what was about to happen was not written in the original script of their lives.

Draco smirked and walked over to where Harry's body was.

"I wish I could see the look on your face!" Draco spoke triumphantly and started stomping on Harry's face, instead of just kicking him once. He laughed diabolically while he stomped on Harry's face. It went a little something like this.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA! MUHAHA! MUAHAHA! ZWAHAHAHAHA! EHEHEHEHEHE! I AM GOD! LIFE IS SO PERFECT! REVENGE! SO FRIGGIN' SWEET! AHAHAHAHA! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Draco paused to cough and catch his breath. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Eh, it's not funny anymore."

Draco walked out and left Harry as a bloody pulp.

-.-.-.-.-

Remus Lupin magically found Harry under his invisibility cloak (since this sort of thing happened to James when they were young) and pulled it off. Remus backed away.

"Oh man! Your face looks like someone took a baby and put it in a blender and set it on puree!" Lupin laughed. Harry would've pouted if he could move his face.


End file.
